And The Secret Ingredient Is
by LornaCat
Summary: Andrew spikes the punch at Bree's block party, and suddenly the neighborhood seems way too into Bree Van de Kamp...
1. Saturday

Part I

The scene was set for a lovely block party. Bree had planned it for weeks, she'd even rented tables for the front yards of all her neighbors. It was meant to be a casual affair, but nothing, from the placement of the food to the number of plastic champagne glasses, had been spontaneous. It was set up so that the residents of Wisteria Lane could wander to and fro, sparking conversation wherever they wanted. It was an experiment in socializing for Bree, who had so treasured the formal dinner format until she'd made a disaster of her last. Telling all of the guests about her husband's emotional post-coital state had all but guaranteed no more dinner parties at the Van de Kamp's. Having an outdoor party allowed them all to breathe a little easier.  
"Hey Bree, great party." Carlos Solis walked up to her, talking with his mouth full of a turkey sandwich on rye with swiss cheese and Bree's own zesty dressing. "Got anything to drink?"  
"Oh!" She'd completely forgotten to bring out the punch. Bree looked up and down the street and spotted Danielle chatting with some of her friends from school.  
"Danielle?" she called out in a sing-song voice.  
Danielle looked up, an annoyed expression on her face.  
"Would you be a dear and go get the punch?" Bree asked, though it wasn't a question. "I've already put the ice in, it should be sitting on the kitchen counter."  
Danielle sighed. "Be right back." she told her friends.

As she walked through the open door and into the kitchen she saw her brother with a small, oddly shaped bottle in his hands. He was standing in front of a big bowl of frothy pink liquid...  
"Andrew, what are you doing?" Danielle asked him in that incredulous tone that always made him cringe.  
Andrew kept pouring, barely turning around as he said "What does it look like, Einstein?"  
"You're spiking the punch? God, that is so seventh grade. What is that, mouth wash?"  
Andrew smiled at Danielle, that smug smile that always made her cringe. "No. Actually I have no idea what it is. But Mom had it hidden behind the wine so I'm betting it's a lot stronger than Listerine."  
"Well I'm glad I caught you. You would have let me drink that?" Danielle bitched as she got a Sunny Delight from the refrigerator.  
"Look, there's probably not even enough in this bottle to get Penny Scavo tipsy. Lighten up!" Andrew screwed the cap back on the mystery bottle and tossed it in the garbage. "And if you tell anyone, I will scrub the toilet with your toothbrush."  
Danielle rolled her eyes. "Whatever." She picked up the humongous bowl of punch, purposefully letting some of it slosh over the side and on to the kitchen floor. "Oops." she said to Andrew, completely deadpan.

When Danielle went back outside, she saw her mother gathering everyone in front of their house. "Oh lorrrd..." Danielle muttered, trying to muster a smile. Everyone had plastic cups in their hands.  
"Everyone get some punch!" Bree ordered. "I want to make a toast."  
Danielle stood on the lawn, begrudgingly holding the heavy punch bowl as everyone came by and served themselves. "You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome." she said, as absolutely no one was saying thank you.  
"You want me to take that for a while?" she heard Susan Meyer ask. She had the Scavo twins in tow but was perfectly willing to take on the burden.  
"No thanks, Mrs. Meyer. I was so looking forward to being the martyr today."  
Susan exchanged eyebrow-raised looks with Lynette, who was behind her in line with Parker and Penny. They both took their punch and moved on.  
"Everybody ready?" Bree stood on her front step, her own cup filled with cranberry juice. Everyone else gathered in a loose semi circle. "This little gathering is in part to celebrate Rex's successful open heart surgery." Bree took a moment to clap, beaming at her husband standing across the lawn. Rex lifted his cup to his neighbors as they joined the applause. "Now, I put a bit of alcohol in the punch, feel free to partake, but don't give the kids too much!"  
Danielle caught Andrew's eye and smirked. The punch had already been spiked. Andrew shrugged, smirking back. Maybe he'd added a little something extra, he thought, and he might get some entertainment after all.  
"I, in support of my husband's restricted diet, am drinking juice with him today." Bree continued. Some neighbors chuckled, and Rex smiled back at his wife. "The other reason I organized this is to celebrate the one thing we have in common, no matter how different our individual lives are. We all have the great fortune to live on this beautiful street, and the ability to come home to beautiful houses and beautiful families no matter where the day may take us. I know we lost a few beloved residents this year, including one that was very close to my heart..." Bree took a moment, and her audience followed suit, thinking mostly about Mary Alice, and a little about Martha Huber. "But," Bree began again, putting the chip back in chipper, "I truly think the best is yet to come." Bree glanced at Rex with a secret look when she said this, and he winked back at her. "So eat, drink, and above all be merry!"  
Everyone took a sip from their cups, watching Bree as she descended the steps and rejoined the crowd.  
"Whoa," Tom Scavo coughed a little after drinking. He looked around, noticing some other surprised faces.   
"Jeez Bree, what did you put in this?" Lynette asked.   
"Just a little rum. I didn't even use half a bottle, I'm not sure what happened. Is it really that bad?"  
"Hey, I don't have to drive anywhere tonight." Tom scoffed jokingly. "Get me another cup!"  
Bree still looked a little worried and disappointed. Everything was supposed to be perfect; she didn't want everyone stumbling home.  
Rex came up behind her, putting a hand on her back, and kissed her cheek. "Thanks, honey. This means a lot." Rex had been so attentive since their reconciliation. His little comments cheered her up immensely.   
Lynette made an 'aw' face, taking another sip of her punch. Then she heard Bree gasp.  
"Boys!" Bree scolded Parker, Porter and Preston. They were all sharing a cup of punch, giggling mischievously. "That punch is for grown ups only!"  
Lynette smiled and shook her head. "Don't worry about it, they haven't had that much. Come on, give Mommy the cup."  
"Sorry Mrs. Van de Kamp." They said in unison.  
"Hey, relax." Rex told Bree. "It's going great."

A few more hours and an empty punch bowl later, people were beginning to disperse. At least they would have been, if they had not been feeling an unexplained attraction to the Van de Kamp house. It seemed everyone wanted to be the last to say goodbye to Bree.  
"So...call me!" Mike Delfino said to Bree. Bree found it quite odd, considering Susan was standing right next to him, but Susan didn't seem to mind.  
"Yeah, we don't hang out enough." Susan chimed in. "And another thing: we don't hug enough!" Susan reached out to hug Bree goodbye, squeezing her friend tight. Bree could have sworn Susan was smelling her hair, but thought it would be inappropriate to bring up at the moment.  
"You can never have too many hugs." Mike smiled, and gave Bree a quick one himself when she was finally able to pry Susan off of her.  
"Mike." Susan tugged on her boyfriend's arm, not really sure which person she was jealous of.  
"...Oookay!" Bree nodded, watching them back up towards the Meyer house and waving. Bree made eye contact with Julie, who had also been looking at her mother and Mike like something was off.  
"Bye, Mrs. Van de Kamp." Julie said, and walked over to Danielle.  
"Bye Julie!" Andrew waved from across the yard.  
"Ugh, what is his malfunction today?" Danielle asked her friend.  
"I don't know." Julie said, waving dutifully back at Andrew. "Thanks for warning me about the punch though."  
"No problem. Everyone else who drank it seems really...weird now."  
"Yeah I've seen my Mom a little tipsy before, but did you see her hug your mom?" Julie looked back over at Bree. "Whoa, and now Mr. and Mrs. Scavo?"  
Lynette was holding Bree's hand as Tom spoke animatedly about something Lynette seemed to find hilarious. Bree's wide eyes and plastered smile betrayed her own thoughts. Even Edie, famous for being cold and distant to her closest friends, let alone neighbors that had no chance of sleeping with her, was next in line to say good night.  
"Did I miss something?" Danielle asked sarcastically. "Or did this somehow turn out to be the best party ever?"

Rex laid in bed, watching Bree take off her earrings and brush her hair. He'd noticed she hadn't stopped smiling since the party had wrapped up.  
"Did you have fun today?" he asked, already knowing the answer.  
"I did. Though people were acting a bit strange near the end...I really don't think I put that much alcohol in the punch." Bree put down her brush and turned to look at him. He was smiling at her. "What?" she asked, smiling back.  
"Nothing." Rex said, against their marriage counselor's advice. He picked up a medical magazine and continued where he left off.  
"Tell me, Rex!" Bree smile widened. It was obviously something nice, why wouldn't he say it?  
Rex put the magazine back down. "You look happy...and that makes me happy. That's all."  
Bree looked down for a minute, her smile fading a little but not for any loss of emotion. She stood up and walked over to the bed, sitting next to Rex. "That makes me happy too."  
"Well aren't we just...happy!" he said, making her laugh.  
Bree put a hand to his chest, over his heart. "How are you feeling physically?"  
"Better every day." Rex put his hand on hers. "Why do you ask?"   
Bree could see a glint in his eyes. She leaned down to kiss him, and suddenly she was airborne. Rex lifted her and flipped her onto her side of the bed. Her small cry of surprise only lasted until Rex planted a romantic kiss on her lips.  
"Rex..." Bree said as she put her arms around his neck. "How did things get so perfect again?"  
"Does it matter?" Rex said, peppering her neck with softer kisses. He had his hand where Bree's torso met her hip, and he could feel the shape of her body through her thin nightgown.  
"It does to me. I want it to stay this way." Bree pulled Rex's head back up to hers and kissed him, to let him know she wasn't trying to ruin the mood.  
"I love you, Bree. And I think we got through the worst times..." Bree interrupted Rex momentarily with another deep kiss. "Mmm. The only way is up, as they say."  
Bree pushed him back to look into his eyes, wondering for a second whether she was dreaming. "'As they say...'" she softly mocked him, and he kissed her again to make her be quiet. She decided that if she was dreaming, she wouldn't mind never waking up again.


	2. Sunday

Part II

The next day, there was a restless feeling in the air on Wisteria Lane. Everyone got up a little earlier than usual, unable to stay in bed. The Sunday paper just wasn't as satisfying as it usually was, and their late morning pancakes didn't taste as sweet no matter how much syrup was applied. Something was missing that wasn't in the usual routine, and no one could quite figure out what it was...  
"Gabby! Aren't you ready yet?"  
"Carlos, relax. Your mother's grave isn't going anywhere."  
"Very nice. I'd just like to be there before the sun sets."  
"Ugh, it's only two o'clock! Chill already."  
Gabrielle grabbed her purse and stomped out of the house. Carlos rolled his eyes, looking to the heavens for patience. They'd been cranky since they woke up that morning, and riding in a car together to the cemetary to visit his mother was not going to help relieve tension.  
"Oh look, Bree is out gardening!" Gabrielle had no idea why she felt the need to announce the fact to Carlos, but seeing her friend gave her a thrill today.  
Carlos squinted against the afternoon sun, spotting a lovely redhead in a large brimmed hat, kneeling in front of a flower bed. Carlos and Gabrielle started talking at the same time:

"I'll be right back, I just-"  
"I'll be right back, I just-"

They stopped, realizing they were saying the exact same thing.

"I'm just going to say hello to-"  
"I'm just going to say hello to-"

They both narrowed their eyes at each other.

"Me first!"  
"Me first!"

They took off across the street, trying to out-walk each other. Bree looked up, smiling and waving at the couple until she realized they were walk-racing towards her. Carlos easily 'won', stopping right in front of Bree's spade collection.  
"Hi." he said with a friendly smile.  
"Hello, Carlos." Bree greeted him, waiting for him to say something else. He wasn't one of the people that usually came over to chat. "Can I help you with something?"  
Gabrielle finally arrived, overcoming the hinderances of her high heels and little legs. "Ugh!" She exclaimed, out of breath, but she managed to put on a smile for Bree. "Hi, Bree! I saw you out in your yard and thought I should come say hi!"  
"Yes, I gathered that." Bree told her. "Did you two need something?"  
"Oh Carlos, why don't you wait in the car?" Gabrielle suggested. "I won't be long."  
"I don't mind standing here!" Carlos shrugged and put his hands in his pockets, smiling all the time. "Actually I was wondering what you were planting."  
"Oh." Bree looked around at the little plants in plastic pots that were being readied for transfer into her yard. "Well these are impatiens, I just bought these at the garden store today, and I also have sunflower seeds..."  
Gabrielle shot a dirty look at Carlos, which Bree narrowly missed as she was pointing at her work.   
"Maybe I could stop by later and help!" Gabby offered. "I could use some tips, since our last few gardeners haven't worked out too well."  
"Yeah, like you're really going to get down on your knees in the dirt." Carlos said derisively. "Not that there is anything wrong with that," he corrected himself for Bree's benefit. What was wrong with him today? Bickering in public, trying to impress Bree of all people?  
Bree was wondering the same thing. What was wrong with everyone?

"Julie!" Susan yelled up the stairs in her house. "I'm going over to Mrs. Van de Kamp's house! I'll be back la-"  
Julie appeared at the top of the steps.  
"Oh! Hi." Susan quieted down. "I'm going to Bree's. I'll be back later."  
Julie eyed her suspiciously. "Did you make plans with her?"  
"No!" Susan giggled, all but jumping up and down in her obvious excitement. "I'm going to surprise her!"  
"Mom..."  
"Yeah?"  
"...nothing. Have fun." Julie walked back slowly to her room. After sitting, puzzled, for a moment, she picked up her phone to call Danielle. Danielle didn't let a full ring go by before she picked up.  
"Hello?" She sounded desperate to talk to anyone.  
"Hey, Danielle? It's Julie."  
"Oh, thank god."  
"Haha, what's wrong?"  
"These people have gone completely insane, you have to save me! Wanna go to the mall?"  
"Sure, I'll ask my mom. She's headed over to your house actually."  
Julie could hear Danielle snickering condescendingly, like she'd heard something she couldn't quite believe.  
"Are you serious?"  
Julie looked out her window, as Susan skipped across the street. "Yeah...why?"  
"Well she's not going to be alone..."

Susan knocked on Bree's door three times. It occured to her that she had nothing to surprise Bree with, other than her prescence. Oh she couldn't wait to see the look on Bree's face when she saw her...just...standing there on her porch. Susan began to have doubts about the merits of her fabulous shockeroo, but the door started to open and the smile popped back on to her face.  
"Surprise!"  
"Susan! What a lovely...surprise!" Bree said, for lack of a better word. "What brings you here?"  
Susan's smile faltered. "I don't know. Hug?"  
"Oh. Well...okay." Bree stepped out of the doorway to give Susan a hug. "Is everything alright?" she asked as they pulled apart.  
"I'm fine, I just-" Susan stopped talking as an all too familiar blonde came into view.  
"Hello, Susan." Edie purred. She walked up behind Bree, smiling.  
"Oh. Hi Edie. I didn't know you were here." Susan felt that familiar surge of jealousy and anger, the way she always felt when Edie got somewhere first.  
"No, apparently not." Edie looked Susan up and down in judgement. "Bree and I were just whipping up something wonderful for dinner. Did you want to join us? Oh wait, I forgot - you can't cook." Edie looked at Bree, reaching up to tuck a piece of Bree's hair behind her ear.  
"Don't be silly!" Bree laughed nervously, swatting at Edie's hand. "Susan can still join us!"  
"No, it's okay..." Susan started to say, feeling dejected and worthless. But then she seemed to change her mind. "I guess I could watch." Anything just to be near her.  
The smile on Edie's face dissolved into a scowl. "Fine. But don't touch anything."

Danielle put the phone back on its reciever and walked into the kitchen. Edie and Susan were standing on either side of Bree, who was preparing a roast on the island counter.  
"Mom? I'm going to the mall with Julie."  
Bree looked up, looking a bit stricken. "You're leaving me? I mean, leaving now?"  
"I'll be back in time to eat, I promise. Assuming there will be enough for all of our 'guests'."  
"Oh that's right, your father will be home from work soon." For some reason Bree felt a little nervous about asking Susan and Edie to share. "There's enough to go around, right girls?"  
"For Rex?" Edie asked. "Oh sure. We've been sharing you with him for years!"  
"I think she meant the roast..." said Danielle, but no one was listening.  
Suddenly they all heard someone clomping down the stairs.  
"The plumbing looks fine, Bree!"  
Susan, Edie, Bree and Danielle all turned to see Mike in the kitchen doorway.  
"And I can replace that faucet for free. You just let me know." Mike polished his wrench and put it in his tool belt.  
"Mike?" Susan was the most surprised to see him. "What are you doing here?"  
Bree felt herself blush. How awkward.  
Mike smiled, looking only at Bree. "I came over to check Bree's pipes."  
Bree burst into nervous laughter, a little louder than last time. "I thought my bathroom sink was leaking!" she told them, trying to make it sound like a trivial little story, even though Mike had appeared at her door before any discussion of the sink had come up.  
"Turns out it was just condensation." Mike explained. "You probably take really hot showers."  
"Hmm..." Edie purred some more, looking at Bree with a curious look on her face.  
Danielle couldn't take any more. She ducked out of the kitchen, intercepting Julie in the living room. Danielle grabbed Julie's hand, dragging her out the front door. "We have to find Andrew."

Later that night, after Rex had sent Edie, Susan and Mike on their way, the Van de Kamp couple were in their bedroom getting ready to see a play.  
"So they all came over uninvited? Separately?" Rex asked as he put on his tie. He hadn't expected half the neighborhood to be at his house for dinner after his first day back at work, but he had no idea that Bree hadn't been expecting them either.  
"Yes, I thought it was quite an odd coincidence too." Bree agreed as she tied the tie for him. "I actually started wondering if it was some kind of intervention, though I haven't the faintest idea as to what it would have been for. But they all seemed very surprised to see each other. Surprised... and unhappy, now that I think about it."  
"Huh. Weird." Rex put his suit jacket on and smoothed the lapels. "Ready?"

"Oh, did Danielle or Andrew ever call?" Bree asked Rex on their way to the car. "They both disappeared after dinner."  
"They said they were going to see a movie. Something about John Tucker dying, it sounded like a horror movie." Rex went to unlock the doors, but stopped when he heard a rustling in the hedges next to their driveway. He noticed two hushed voices as well.  
-_We should invite him too, shouldn't we? -  
-Would it be weird if we didn't?_-  
"Lynette? Tom?" Rex peered around the bushes and found the Scavos crouching behind them.  
Lynette shot up like a rocket. "Rex. Is Bree around?" Lynette pretended to look around for Bree, who was on the other side of the car. Lynette shot Rex a thumbs-up when she 'found' her, walking around the vehicle.  
"Hey." Tom stood up as well. "We were wondering if you guys wanted to come over for drinks."  
Rex narrowed his eyes. "Uh...thanks, but we were on our way out..."  
"We've got margaritaaas!" Lynette sang, making her hands into fists and playfully punching Bree's arm.  
"Oh, haha, ouch." Bree said, smiling and trying not to recoil too obviously.  
"Sorry," Rex declined again. "We've had these tickets to 'Twelve Angry Men' for a while, it's all sold out."  
"Well you're going to have Two Sad Neighbors if we don't get together soon!" said Tom. He started to laugh a phony laugh, and Lynette joined in to support him.  
Rex laughed too, like he was still waiting for the punch line. "And you're going to have Two Creeped Out Neighbors if ya keep hidin' in our bushes!"  
"Oh that," Lynette waved her hand dismissively. "I dropped my wedding ring, Tom was helping me find it."  
"Right. Wouldn't want to lose a thing like that." Rex looked at the both of them, eyes still narrowed, and then at his wife. "We're gonna go now."  
Rex got into the driver's seat, and watched Lynette open the door for Bree.  
"Have fun!" Lynette told her. "You too Rex. But mostly Bree. Ah-ha, haha, just kidding."  
Rex started the car and backed up slowly after Bree buckled her seat belt. Tom and Lynette stayed in their driveway, waving.

"I told you we should have called first."

Andrew, Danielle and Julie were back at the mall, eating french fries in the food court as Danielle told them about her horrible afternoon.  
"I had to watch them make a roast, for god's sake."  
"Why didn't you just leave sooner?" asked Andrew, not seeing how this was a big deal.  
"Mom wouldn't give me a chance! Edie kept complimenting her clothes, and her hair, and her makeup. It was almost like she was flirting with her."  
Andrew smirked. "It's not like Edie is the most prudish of Mom's friends, Danielle. Maybe she likes women too."  
"Andrew, did you hear anything else I've said? Mike was there first, and then Julie's mom showed up. This is more than just Skeezy Britt trying to seduce everyone on the block."  
The three teens ate their fries, trying to figure out what was happening.  
"You said Mr. and Mrs. Solis were there earlier, right?" Julie asked.  
"Ya. They raced each other." Danielle confirmed, emphasis on 'raced'.  
Andrew laughed, trying to imagine tiny Gabrielle racing her tank of a husband Carlos.  
The wheels were turning in Julie's head, and she thought about the party the previous day.  
"Has your dad been acting strangely today?" she asked, gathering more information for her hypothesis.  
"I don't know, he was at work all day. He seemed okay at dinner though." Danielle reported. "He barely got a chance to talk, it was all _Bree! Bree! Bree!_" she imitated their dinner guests in a shrill voice.  
"Hmm..."   
Andrew sighed and got up. "Sherlock, Watson: it's been _really_ fun. But I'd much rather be shopping for video games than trying to solve the mystery of why people suddenly want to spend time with my Mom. I think that one is unsolvable.  
"No Andrew, we need you." said Julie.  
"I didn't know you cared."  
"No, you have to find that bottle. We have to figure out what you spiked that punch with."


	3. Monday

Part III

"Rex, are you sure you can't stay home from work today?"  
Bree knew it wasn't fair to ask, but things had not gotten any less weird since all of her encounters the previous day. After she and Rex had gotten home from the theater, after checking for people in the shrubbery, and after realizing they didn't want to just go straight to bed, they'd gotten a phone call from Paul Young. Rex had not been pleased to recieve a call right when he was getting ready to make love to his wife and it must have disturbed his sleep, because his response was a cranky one.  
"Bree it's my first week back at work in a long time. I can't keep cancelling surgeries just because you don't want to see your friends." Rex turned from the coat closet to look at Bree. He could see the hurt and disappointment in her face. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I'm just looking forward to spending time with _you_ tonight. Alone."  
"I know that, Rex. It's not as if I'm asking everyone to show up on my doorstep at all hours of the day and night!"  
"I know, I know. I'm sorry." Rex realized he was being dismissive and defensive. Recognition of those attitudes were the first step to solving the problems that caused them, Dr. Goldfine had told him.  
"It's nothing." Bree spoke softly, looking down at her hands. She was supposed to be the hostess with the mostest, why couldn't she handle a few guests here and there? All they wanted was to shower her with attention. But now the only man she'd been craving it from was giving it to her in droves, and her 'friends' were all starting to get in the way.  
"It is not nothing." Rex insisted, afraid he'd taken them a step back in their progress. He put down his coat and briefcase, closing the distance between them, and took Bree in his arms. He couldn't let this bizarre couple of days interfere with their renewed relationship. "I love you. Are you going to be alright by yourself?"  
Bree sighed. As if she had a choice. "I'll be fine."  
Rex smiled, pulling back to see if Bree was smiling too. She did her best to convince him he could leave without worrying, but it didn't quite reach her eyes.  
"Oh honey, don't look so sad." Rex pleaded. "You're breaking my heart."  
Bree reached out to embrace him again, and he squeezed tighter. Taking a deep breath, she decided to quit being a baby and face the day. It's not like her neighbors were out to _get_ her!  
"I'm fine, really. Sorry for making such a big deal of it all."

Rex got a bit stuck at the front door again, on account of kissing Bree goodbye over and over and over. It was a game he used to play when they were newlyweds, pretending to be done and then suddenly turning back again to kiss her one more time. It still made Bree giggle after all those years.  
"Okay, last time I promise." he said, making his last kiss count. When he turned to go he almost yelped from the shock of seeing Paul Young standing in the doorway.  
"Oh!" Bree put a hand to her chest.  
"Jesus, Paul!" Rex felt his heart pounding, thinking about what it would feel like if it exploded. "You scared the crap out of me! What are you doing here-" Rex looked at his watch. "At seven in the morning?"  
The only sign of emotion on Paul's face was the hint of a smile playing near his lips, like he knew all of their secrets.  
"I was interested in seeing Bree today."  
"Well you can't." Rex snapped. "I'm taking her on a day trip."  
"Oh?" Paul's tiny smile disappeared. His tactic of acting smug and biding his time had finally stopped working for him. He had really just wanted to see Bree today. All day. "Where to?" he asked, stepping toward them. He could always follow them in his car...  
"It's a surprise." Rex almost growled the words, sounding anything but happy about it. He reached a hand out to a shocked Bree, who instinctively took it with her own.  
"But- oh!" Bree stammered as Rex tugged her past Paul. "But Rex, where, I don't have my-"  
"You won't need anything, sweetheart!" Rex said as he pulled her towards the car. "We're going to go somewhere niiice and quiet together." Rex kept an eye on Paul as he helped Bree into the passenger seat. What did Paul have in his hand...was that a jewelry box? They had to get out of there, and fast.  
"What is going _on_ around here?" Rex pulled out of the driveway, unsure of their destination.  
"I told you, Rex! There's always someone there, just around the corner! I'm scared!" Bree held on to the door handle; Rex was taking the cul-de-sac curves as fast as their station wagon would allow.  
"Don't worry, I'm here Bree." Rex saw someone dart into the street and he slammed on the brakes, stopping just short of running down Zach Young. Zach was staring into the car, a plate of cookies in his hand.  
"Mrs. Van de Kamp...I made these for you."  
Bree screamed, and Rex gunned the engine and swerved around the boy, leaving Wisteria Lane behind.

"Do you have it?" Julie asked as she sat next to the Van de Kamp kids in the school cafeteria. For the first time in their high school careers, Andrew and Danielle were sitting next to each other at lunch. Neither was very happy about it.

"Yeah, we got it." said Andrew. "But for the record, Danielle was the one that reached into the trash can."

"Quit waving it around," Danielle scolded him. "Someone's going to think it's alcohol and take it!" .

Andrew made a face at his sister, and started to literally wave the bottle around.

"You are such an ass!" Danielle crossed her arms and pouted. Julie yoinked the bottle from Andrew's susceptible hand and began a close inspection.

"Looks like the label's been ripped off. Ah, but not all of it...it says...something's Den of Magic."

"Garden of Magic?" Danielle guessed.

"No, Den of Magic...like some magical den that belongs to someone whose name was on the missing part of the label." Julie tried to explain.

"There's an Anastacia's Magic Palace over on Main St."

"Danielle." Andrew began calmly. "It's a Den of Magic. A palace is not a den. Accept it and move on. Isn't Anastacia's a party house for kids anyway?"

"So?" Danielle said, still confused.

Julie patted her shoulder and addressed Andrew instead. "When is the next time you can get into the library?"

"I don't know. They run this school like a prison ever since Lori got caught in the back hallway...well, I think we all remember the life size photos. But Jared is the hall monitor after this lunch period. I think I can work my unique powers of persuasion over him to get to the computers."

"Good. We need to find where this Den of Magic is!"

Andrew, Danielle and Julie walked out of Leroy's Den of Magic, the third Den of Magic they had checked since leaving school. After finding out Jared wasn't as gay as Andrew thought, they'd decided to just skip the rest of the day.

"How big is Fairview?" Danielle shouted. "How can there be this many dens of freakin' magic in the phone book?"

"Hey! Hey you guys!" Someone shouted to them from across the street. It turned out to be two somebodies, a business woman with wavy blonde hair and a petite Latina in red spike heels. They looked both ways before crossing the busy downtown street and ran towards the teens.

"Hi Mrs. Scavo, Mrs. Solis." Julie said, panicking.

"What are you doing out of school?" Gabrielle asked, trying to make conversation.

"There was a bomb threat." Andrew lied easily. "We got the rest of the day off."

"You lucky ducks." Lynette chimed in. "So where's your mom?"

"I don't know..." Andrew crossed his arms, amused but curious. She was not beating around the bush at all, this one.

"Hey," said Gabby. "If you help us out, we promise not to tell Bree you were skipping school." she offered, as if they needed her help.

Andrew played along, if only to see where they were going with this. "Well, we haven't seen her since we left for school this morning..."

Later that day Gabrielle was wandering her house, trying to get some time alone with the phone. The problem was, every time she left a room, Carlos would be right behind her. She let him tail her up to the bedroom before turning around and exploding on him.

"Stop following me, Carlos!"

Carlos stopped in his tracks, crossing his arms. "Where did you go with Lynette today?" he asked suspiciously.

"What are you talking about?"

"I know for a fact you were out with Lynette this afternoon."

"So?! You were out with Tom." Gabrielle countered.

"How did you-" Carlos began to ask, but cut himself off.

"HA!" Gabrielle pointed a finger at his chest. "I didn't know before, but I do now!"

"Are you cheating on me?" asked Carlos, trying unsuccessfully to change the subject.

"Oh, shut up." Gabrielle waved her hand dismissively, and they both sulked.

"Well at least tell me what Andrew and Danielle said." said Carlos.

"Huh?" It made Gabrielle nervous that he knew all of this.

"Tom said that Lynette told him that you ran into Bree's kids today. I want to know what they said."

Gabrielle made a frustrated sound in her throat, cursing the open and honest relationship the Scavo's shared. Couldn't Lynette keep anything to herself?

"They said they hadn't seen Bree since they left for school in the morning." she told him begrudgingly.

"That sucks. I really need to talk to her."

"About what?" Gabrielle narrowed her eyes, a gesture the Solis' had been doing a lot lately.

"...Stuff!" Carlos said, revealing less than nothing.

At that moment they both noticed a car driving down the street from the bedroom window.

Mr. and Mrs. Solis raced each other down Wisteria Lane again, gaining speed as they saw the mystery car pulling into the Van de Kamp driveway. They soon realized that the car was not one owned by the Van de Kamps, and that Bree was not in the car either. As Edie stepped out of the vehicle, she tossed a smug smile their way.

"You two look like you're in a hurry. Need a lift?"

Gabrielle noticed she had a small Victoria's Secret bag in her hand. The expression on Gabrielle's face served as the obvious question; what exactly did Edie have planned? Edie simply chuckled a smug chuckle and let them peek in the bag as her answer.

"She's not home, you know." Gabrielle told her petulantly. Again, Edie answered in a wordless gesture as she jingled her key ring and walked toward Bree's door. Gabrielle and Carlos looked on in disbelief as one of Edie's keys opened the door, as if by magic. They shouldn't have been so shocked; she was the realtor after all.

Lynette and Tom came up to them, having witnessed the scene from across the street. Lynette had on a smug smile of her own. She knew Bree would never go for Edie in lingerie, and that the Scavo's had the upper hand. Gabrielle took notice of the bottle of white wine that the Tom had, as well as the CD in Lynette's hand.

"Ugh, I hate opera." Gabrielle commented, taking out her frustration on the nearest target.

"And that is why Bree will be spending the evening with us." said Tom.

"Well, with me." Lynette corrected him.

Tom looked at her, taken aback. "What?"

"You're going to keep Rex busy."

"Uh, no, that's your job. We discussed this."

"I know we discussed it, but I distinctly remember that I decided how it was going down."

Gabrielle glared at Carlos as the Scavos bickered. "Why didn't you think of something like this? Everyone else has a special little plan!"

"We're not very smart people, are we?" Carlos mocked himself in a silly voice.

A few hours later:

Rex drove cautiously down Wisteria Lane, watching closely for pedestrians. "No one seems to be out..." he commented, though Bree could see for herself the street was deserted. Not even a jump rope or dog walker was in sight. The car crawled slowly down the streat, as they inspected each house from the safety of their glass and metal enclosure.

"Ooo, check the bushes!" said Bree, peering over Rex's arms as they pulled around the shrubs and into their driveway. During their day, spent together walking in the park and eating nice food, they'd begun to doubt themselves. Maybe the people in the neighborhood weren't acting as weird as they thought. Maybe they were just glad that Bree and Rex were back together and doing so well. Maybe they were just showing their support. And maybe instead of pushing them away, Bree and Rex should have welcomed their support. OK so maybe these were all Rex's ideas, and Bree was still as skeptical as Scully at a seance. Edie had pet her hair, for goodness sake.

They exited the station wagon, slow and steady, watching for would-be attackers.

"The coast is clear." Rex assured Bree, but his judgement was premature. It started like the buzz of little bees, and Bree slowly realized there were three little boys at the other end of the street, all saying "Mrs. Van de Kamp! Mrs. Van de Kamp! Mrs. Van de Kamp!" as they ran toward her at full speed.

Bree cocked her head to the side, confused. "What are the Scavo boys doing down there?"

"Bree...run."

"...Huh?"

"Run!"

Parker, Porter and Preston were almost upon them and Bree finally realized that they were going to tackle her if she didn't get out of there, and fast. She turned and took off down the street in heels and a skirt, glancing behind her every few seconds.

"Rex, they're gaining!"

"Run toward the Scavo house, maybe we can herd them back to their pen!" Rex ran toward their yard himself, dodging toy trucks and kid bicycles on his way. He stopped, looking at the items spread out like the smorgasbord of weapons that they were. He picked up two Nerf footballs and an innocent looking dart gun, preparing for their arrival.

"Help meee!" squealed Bree as she ran past him and toward the Scavos' back yard. The boys were close behind and Rex took aim with the dart gun. Poor little Parker, the last in line, got a dart to the forehead and it stopped him in his tracks.

"Oww!" Parker tugged and pulled at the dart, but the suction of the Nerf darts had only improved over the years since Andrew played with such toys. If Parker hadn't been instrumental in pulling up half of Bree's spring garden, Rex might have felt sorry for the boy.

Rex could hear Bree shouting in the backyard. "Boys! I have cookies at my house, you can have them all if you just stop and sit down!" Rex dropped the dart gun, having spent all of its ammo with one shot, and ran back to take care of the other two. He found Bree running circles around the yard, with the twins in hot pursuit.

"Mrs. Van de Kamp, Mrs. Van de Kamp!" they kept shouting, giggling and panting like it was all a game to them. But one look in their eyes and Rex knew they were in it to win it. He held up one of the Nerf footballs and took aim once more, knowing that if he missed the first twin he would probably hit the second. He hadn't played football since college, but surely with a medical degree he could figure out the physics of hitting one of these fast-moving objects.

The first ball connected with Preston's shoulder, and he went down in a sideways somersault. Rex winced, and received an appalled look from Bree. He wasted no time in throwing the second football, which caught Porter in the chest. It put him flat on his back, and Bree was finally able to stop running. She all but fell into Rex's arms, and he helped her walk back to their house.

"But the boys-" Bree protested when she caught her breath.

"They'll be fine." Rex reassured her. "They've done worse to each other."

"No, I'm afraid they'll get back up!"


	4. Monday To Tuesday

Part IV

Julie, Danielle and Andrew were all packed onto a small couch in the back room of Divina's Den of Magic. He tried to hide it, but Andrew, along with his female counterparts, was nervously awaiting Divina's return. The back room was set up for tarot card and palm readings, and the items adorning the crowded walls, though cliche, managed to thouroughly creep them out.

"Is that human hair or a horse tail?" Danielle whispered. "And why is it hanging from that bird cage?"

"Does it matter?" Andrew replied, sounding agitated.

"Aw, is wittle Andrew scared of a voodoo curse?" Danielle taunted him, glad to finally be off the recieving end of his teasing.

"Shut up."

"Wow, you weren't kidding Danielle." said Julie.

"Ever since he saw that episode of The X-Files when he was ten..."

"I was nine," Andrew argued, "And you were the one that asked our Sunday school teacher about it."

The beaded curtain rustled, and Divina appeared in the doorway. "Alright guys, I'm gonna cut to the chase." The teens were confused. When they'd entered Divina's Den and shown her the mysterious bottle, she'd sounded...different.

"What happened to your accent?" asked Danielle.

"And weren't you...older?" Julie chimed in.

Divina now spoke with a clear American accent, and her back had miraculously straightened in her time away. "Look, my name is Ashley and I'm 32. I'm not from Romania or Haiti, I'm not even that superstitious when you get down to it, and after my grandmother died and left me the store, most of the stuff I sell here I get through a catalogue."

"Yeah," Andrew said, nodding slowly. "We all love a good heart to heart, but would you mind telling us why you've chosen us as a test audience to your riveting life story?"

"Well, obviously I didn't make this, but..." Divina trailed off, holding up the empty bottle to the dim light. She reached for the light switch, and suddenly many of the things that seemed so spooky moments before were illuminated and revealed to be plastic.

"But??" Julie prodded her

"But...I think this was a love potion. Whoever drinks it falls in love with the person whose voice they last heard."

Julie, Danielle and Andrew all laughed at the same time, but Divina looked concerned.

"Did someone you know drink this?"

Andrew finally stopped laughing. "Uh, yeah..."

"Actually, a bunch of people." Julie chimed in.

"Andrew spiked the punch at our mom's party." said Danielle. "Everyone drank it, except for our parents and the three of us."

"Oh boy...how long ago was this?"

"The party was on Saturday, so...two days?"

"Oh boy." Divina said again, and began to rummage through her shelves. "We have to act fast."

"I thought you said all of it was fake?" said Andrew.

"I said _most_ of it was fake. My grandmother left me a few things." She found what she was looking for behind a jar of dried something-or-other. "So is everyone on your block mauling each other or what?"

"Their mother was making a toast right before everyone drank it, so all attention seems to be on her."

"Oh, that poor woman..."

"More like poor _us_." said Danielle, crossing her arms.

"Is something bad going to happen?" Julie asked as she watched Divina retrieve more empty bottles from the shelves.

"After three days, the "spell", if you will, becomes kind of permanent. And a person in love through this potion can be relentless. I assume your neighbors have been acting out of character?"

"You could say that..."

"Just make sure you get them all to drink this." Divina set down a set of three bottles, almost identical to the one they'd returned.

"How do we do that?" asked Danielle.

"Divina, do you have an antidote to the dumbass potion my sister drank?" asked Andrew.

"How about the asshole potion my brother guzzles every morning?"

"You guys!" Julie interrupted their squabbling. "We'll figure it out, let's just get back there before something crazy happens."

As Rex opened the door to his house, he and Bree found out why their street seemed so abandoned; everyone was in their living room. The music that blared from the stereo speakers kept alternating between opera and salsa, and there was a din of tense conversations.

"Bree, you're home!" Mike greeted her, and all heads turned. Bree clutched Rex's arm, whimpering pathetically through the grimace of a smile on her face. Even Karen McKlusky and the ubiquitous woman-with-a-baby-stroller were there. Lynette and Gabrielle abruptly stopped pretending to get along and scurried over to Bree.

"Gabrielle!" Bree exclaimed, noticing that she had a fat lip. "Did Carlos- !?"

"What...oh!" Gabrielle laughed. "Oh, god no! It was Lynette."

Bree looked to Lynette for confirmation, and saw that Lynette had a black eye and scratches on her forearm.

"Yes, Gabby and I engaged in minor fisticuffs." said Lynette.

"What on Earth were you fighting for?"

"Oh that's not important, is it?" Gabrielle brushed it off. Susan walked up behind her, and Bree could see that she too had very minor injuries.

"Susan, were you in this fight too?"

"No, I just tripped and fell. But I'm fine, really!" Susan wrapped her arms around Bree for a warm hug. "Doesn't that just make everything better?" she sighed. Over Susan's shoulder Bree got a glance of the living room. Tom and Carlos were fighting over the stereo, and half hidden behind the chair in the corner were Paul and Zach, skulking as they often did.

"You really look nice." Mike told Bree, and turned to Rex. "Doesn't she look nice?"

Bree gently but firmly pulled Susan's arms from around her, and began to wade through the crowd. If she could just get to the stereo and turn it down, she thought, then maybe she could ask them all politely to go home. Lynette and Gabrielle followed close behind, elbowing each other all the way.

"Hey, you know, Edie is upstairs." Lynette told the back of Bree's head.

"She bought this ridiculous lingerie," Gabrielle chimed in.

"And she refuses to leave your bed until we're all gone!" said Susan.

Karen McKlusky approached Bree, a book and a drink mix under her arm.

"I thought we could read some Agatha Christie and drink cocoa. You'd have to light the fire of course, my arthritis..."

"What a lovely thought," Bree replied. "But Rex and I-"

"Would much rather listen to opera!" Tom butted in, speaking more to Carlos than to Bree.

"For the last time Scavo, I am here to teach Bree how to salsa!" Carlos punched a button on the stereo. The volume seemed to increase every time they switched back and forth between the Scavo's CD and Carlos' favorite radio station.

"Let's play charades!" said the woman with the stroller, and Bree stared at her.

"Who are you again?"

The teens hurried home from Divina's and happened upon an unusual scene. The three Scavo boys were out in the yard, but they weren't their rambunctious selves. In fact, it looked like all of their energy was being put toward removing a sticky dart from Parker's head.

"Ow!" he'd say, swatting his brothers' hands away.

"If you stay still we can pull it off!" shouted Porter.

"It hurts!"

"Quit being such a weenie!"

As Julie got closer she saw how dirty the twins' clothes were, as if they'd been tumbling in mud.

"What happened to you guys?" she asked, and they all started shouting at once.

"We were trying to give Mrs. Van de Kamp a hug,"

"But she ran away so we chased her -"

"And Mr. Van de Kamp threw toys at us!"

"Wow..." said Danielle. Things seemed to have escalated since yesterday.

"My dad threw toys at you?" Andrew could scarcely believe it. He thought Mom had always been the one for corporal punishment. "You guys must have been running pretty fast."

"Yeah, we almost got her." said Preston, dejected.

"Well, here..." Andrew took one of Divina's bottles out of his pocket. "Drink some of this."

"Andrew, wait!" Danielle yelped. "Do you really think we should test it on little kids?"

"We're not little kids!" Porter informed her, wiping his nose with his sleeve.

Andrew and Danielle looked at Julie for the tie breaker, but she was unsure.

"What is it?" Preston asked, his curiosity piqued. If three big kids were interested in it, it had to be cool.

"It's candy." Andrew lied. "Just try it." He took the cap off and handed the flask to Preston, who took a cautious sip. It didn't take him long to find out how bad it tasted. His face contorted in revulsion and he held the bottle away from his body.

"That's disgusting!" he declared, spitting the excess onto the lawn. His brothers recoiled when the mysterious drink got close to them.

"Now you guys have to drink some." said Andrew.

"No way!" shouted Porter, and Parker shook his head no, making the dart wobble back and forth.

"Come on, it gives you super powers. Truly powerful superhero serum tastes like butt. It's the trade-off for getting the powers. Do you really want Preston to be the only one with laser vision and ice breath?"

Porter took the bottle back from Andrew, and took a sip.

"Not too much," cautioned Julie. "Or you'll turn into a hideous super villain."

Parker was still skeptical.

"I bet that dart will come right off if you try some..."

Porter handed the bottle to Parker, who took the tiniest taste possible. Julie tried pulling the dart sideways, and with a sound like a popping soap bubble it was released from his forehead. Porter and Preston looked amazed.

"Coooool!"

"Hey, what about the ice breath?"

"It won't take effect until you've had a full night's sleep," Julie improvised. "Go inside and sit down, OK?"

"I feel sleepy..." said Preston. His brothers didn't look far behind.

"You guys take the rest of the antidote," Julie said to Andrew and Danielle. "I'll make sure these guys make it inside."

If they thought the scene on the Scavo's yard was a little off, Andrew and Danielle walked into something downright unnatural when they entered their house. It was like the parties that their high school friends hosted - loud and confusing - except everyone there was old. They weren't sure how to get everybody's attention.

"Go make some punch." Andrew whispered to his sister.

"But I don't know how!"  
"Just put some ginger ale in a bowl!" Andrew jammed the remaining two bottles of potion into her hand. "And dump the rest of this in there."

Andrew waded through the crowd to stand next to his parents. "Dad, get some cups for our guests."

"Where...?" Rex asked, as clueless as Danielle.

"In the pantry, dear." Bree told him, just as puzzled by Andrew's request.

"I, uh..." Andrew began, as most everyone was now staring at him. They looked irritated by his interruption. "I want to make a toast."

"Is that really necessary?" Gabrielle asked, trying her hardest to be polite for Bree's sake.

"Most of us were about to leave anyway." said Lynette, throwing meaningful glances at everyone other than herself.

"I think my mom really wants you to have more punch." Andrew made eye contact with Bree, willing her to confirm what he was saying. Bree searched for the familiar bitterness or malice that he usually reserved for her, but she could see he was really trying to convey something inmportant, something he didn't want to say in front of all these crazy people. Rex and Danielle emerged from the kitchen, carrying a punch bowl full of counter-potion between them.

"Please, everyone?" Bree implored their guests. They murmured their reluctnant approval and started to take the punch.

Carlos got one wiff of the bowl and made a face. "Did you make this Bree?"

Danielle caught her mother's eye and nodded emphatically.

"Uh...yes!" Bree played along. "A new recipe."

"I thought you just threw ginger ale and fruit juice in a bowl and called it done?" Karen commented.

"Well that just shows how much you know!" Gabrielle scolded her, gladly taking her cup from Rex.

"So," Rex interrupted. "What are we toasting, Andrew?"

Danielle handed Andrew a glass, and he raised it awkwardly into the air. "To...my mom."

"Hear hear!" someone shouted. Everyone looked at the corner past the fireplace, and Paul slinked back into the shadows.

"To my mom...the strongest woman I know. It's not always easy having a family like ours, but she always manages to, uh... pull through. And I do appreciate her cooking."

Wow that punch smelled awful, thought Andrew. He felt bad making people think that Bree'd made it. Hopefully his short speech would make up for the fact that he'd caused this whole debacle...but he doubted it.

"Everyone drink up!"

It took some longer than others, but within a couple of minutes everyone had curled up on the floor to take a nap.

"OK..." said Rex, looking around at all of his snoring neighbors. "What the hell just happened here?"

Andrew and Danielle looked at each other, wondering where to start.

That evening, the Van de Kamps bonded over an activity that they could all take part in as a family. Divina had warned them that anyone who drank the antidote would be out cold for an entire night, so they had to carry all of their neighbors to their homes. If she was as accurate with the antidote's primary effects as she was with side effects, the residents of Wisteria Lane would wake up the next morning blissfully unaware of all the awkward and embarassing things they'd been doing for the past few days.

"Thank goodness I bought this wheelbarrow at Mrs. Huber's estate sale!" Bree huffed and puffed, wheeling Gabrielle down the road. "She's heavier than she looks! Oh dear, I hope she didn't hear that."

"Danielle, help your mother get her up the front steps." said Rex. He and Andrew were in front of the girls, carrying Carlos. When they'd finished arranging the Solis' in a plausible position, they met back up with Julie.

"The kids have been in bed for hours." Julie reported. "I guess we should get some sleep and see what happens?"

"Sleep sounds good." said an exhausted Bree. "Thanks for your help, Julie."

"Any time." she replied, more out of habit than anything else. She was pretty sure she wouldn't want to do any of this again.

"Andrew, we'll talk tomorrow." said Rex, sounding serious and disciplinary.

In order to convince their parents that Divina's potion was a cure to the love spell, Andrew and Danielle had to explain what had caused the spell in the first place. Surprisingly it was Rex that wanted to ground them both for life. After Andrew's little toast, Bree had been remarkably calm about the situation.

"That's everyone, right?" asked Rex. He and Bree looked at each other then, eyes widening. They'd suddenly remembered the one neighbor that had handcuffed herself to their bed.

"Edie!"

The next morning, things were back to normal on Wisteria Lane. Relatively speaking.

Most residents woke up with a sore neck, not sure what day it was or why they were wearing regular clothes instead of their pajamas. They chalked it up to morning grogginess, though the pajamas thing would bother them for days.

As they got ready for work, Lynette remarked to Tom that it felt like a Sunday, not a Tuesday. Carlos rubbed his right shoulder, and told Gabrielle that he wanted fluffier pillows for their bed. Edie assumed that she'd gotten rip roaring drunk then sobered up before coming home alone. Why else would she have covered up that fancy underwear with a t-shirt? Must have been a cold night.

None of them would know why, but at some point during the day they would find themselves thinking about Bree Van de Kamp, and wondering what she was up to.


End file.
